Mort on Migration…

My intrepid Uncle Mort does much “huffing and puffing” about state and national politics. At the end of the day, though—when everything is said and done—always more is said than done.

Sometimes he claims to see two imaginary punching bags, one inscribed “Austin” and the other “Washington, DC.” He flails away at them as if his mid-air punches land squarely on noses of ne-er do wells in both capitals.

“I know I’m biased,” he admits. “But we’ve had occasional statesmen at both levels in bygone years and would be hard-pressed to find any now.”… ***** He claims to feel sorry for all decision-makers who are frustrated about our border policy.

“Years ago, I kidded about it,” Mort said. “Way back there when federal troops were sent to guard the Rio Grande River, I kidded that national leaders were way off base. Yankees swarming across the Red River through Oklahoma were the bigger problem. Clearly, the troops were guarding the wrong river.”

With most efforts to control illegal migration from Mexico failing, Mort believes the State of Texas initiative—called “Operation Lone Star”—is a 14-carat mess. He thinks a more apt name would be “ Operation Blown Star.”…. ***** Mort leans heavily on this modified expression: “Southern born and southern bred, and when I die, I’ll be southern dead.” (He’s kept a couple of apple crates full of Confederate money, just in case.)

Years ago, he drove a tour bus through Civil War battlefields. He pointed out various battles, all won by troops of the Confederacy. One day, a little old lady from Connecticut asked, “Didn’t the Union army win any battles?”

“Not while I’m driving this bus they didn’t,” Mort snapped…. ***** Mort continues his pleas to radio and television news folks to start pronouncing “Uvalde” correctly. He knows that Spanish pronunciation varies from the way most townspeople in the South Texas community pronounce it.

“The news people ought to pronounce it the way the folks who live there do,” Mort maintains. Quite simply, he thinks the accepted pronunciation is “U-val’ (like VALue)-dy,” not “U-vol’ (like VOLume)-dy.”

He commends the distinct minority on radio and TV news who pronounce it correctly and understands the confusion of a visitor who wondered if it is “Heeco” or Hico, “Chee-co” or Chico? (A new TV weather guy in the Metroplex called Lipan (LY’-pan) “Lip’pen” a while back.)…. ***** Slack is understandably cut for radio/tv sports people covering the Tampa Bay Rays. The Rays have two “Lowes,” Joshua and Brandon. They are not related and pronounce their last names differently. The former (whose brother Nathaniel is a star for the Texas Rangers) pronounces his last name like Lowes, the home improvement store. Brandon favors a different pronunciation, rhyming with “How now, brown cow?”

Tampa Bay fans may have other names for this pair, and for the rest of the team, too.

They don’t cotton to the way the Rays played recently in Texas, where they lost all three games to the Rangers…. ***** One of the Texas Rangers great moments (and there are many) occurred when Alex Speas provided critical relief pitching for the final game against the Rays. In the minors for six seasons, he survived Tommy John surgery and COVID 19 pandemic issues before his major league debut against Tampa Bay. The 25-year-old struck out the first three batters he faced. His mother—present in the grandstands— seemed borderline berserk, delighted with her son’s sterling performance. It was fun to watch her dancing around in euphoria.

As the season enters its second half, Texas Rangers fans offer a massive “tip of the hat” to their new manager, Bruce Bochy. A great model for young aspirants who dream of being baseball managers one day, Bochy makes the job look easy.

A paraphrased poem is worth remembering: “Bullfight critics, ranked in rows, crowd the vast arena full, but the only one there who really knows, is the one whose job’s to fight the bull.”… ******

Dr. Newbury, longtime university president, has written weekly columns since 2003 and speaks throughout Texas.